The Wise and Exalted Leader of the Great Socialist States of America has nominated Elena Kagan to be the next Justice of the Supreme Court. Her qualifications consist of… um, wait, I know this one.
She’s never been a judge. Never. As in, not ever. As in, SHE ISN’T A JUDGE! She’s been a lawyer. She’s been the Dean of Harvard Law School. She’s currently the Solicitor General, which is like the White House’s chief lawyer. So she’s been a lawyer and an academic.
If the Great and Benevolent One were nominating someone to our nation’s highest level of legal school administrators, she’d be a fine pick. Maybe he was confused (I know, the All Knowing One cannot actually be confused) by the term Supreme Court Justice. Maybe he thought that Justices are different than Judges. Maybe he thinks she can be appointed to the highest level of judgehood without any experience as a judge. And that got me thinking.
You are in for a historic moment, dear reader, because I am hereby submitting my name to our Gracious and Revered Leader for consideration of the following positions:
Vice President – Let’s face it, Joe Biden is dead weight. You need to replace him before 2012. I’m your man. I have a vice in my workshop, which is close enough.
Secretary of Defense – I’ve never been in the military, but I dated a secretary once. So I am well qualified for any secretarial position that may be open within the administration in the future.
Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff – This one may be a bit of a stretch, but I did watch several Kansas City Chiefs games last year. My joints ache more and more each year. I have a shepherd’s staff that I used for a play once.
I think I’m pretty much a shoe in for at least one of those
